kill yourself [16 Feb 2005|10:54pm] Everyone knew she was a special young girl From her neighbors to her teachers Some labeled her a prodigy, others called her a genius It was amazing the way she could play the violin It made it hard for people to believe that she was only ten But behind every brilliant mind there lies a monster This one just so happened to be her father See daddy was sick, he'd get a rush by playin touchy touch And tellin her to keep it hush It was his seceret way of loving that he needed someone he could trust Fucked her head up, sayin if Momma was alive she'd be so proud of us So she'd hide the desire to die But if you paid close attention you could see the sorrow in her eyes Walking around in the only real hell No one would ever think she'd have such a story to tell Afraid to go home, afraid to talk, afraid of cryin She was too young to even know why And everyday she'd go to the river with a message in a bottle sayin 'Please, God help me I don't wanna live to see tommorow' Each day she'd scrounge for a tiny shread of hope Just to wish the bottle would stay afloat But every single solitary day, the bottle seems to sink I don't know why but the bottle always sinks She never sees it happen, but the bottle always sinks Now only the bottom of the river knows what she really thinks She made that violin sing with so much pain You could almost hear her scream through the strange vibrations What was once sweet and innocent Is now riding with the phsychotic father Chose to probe the flowers of the pure and sacred Her instrument was a rolly tongue To express the infinite abuse in it's depths At night the footsteps crept to her door and she'd begin to shake and weap And with tears rolling down her cheeks she's pretend she was asleep When the nightmare was over, and the sun dawn is light She'd retreat to the same place she always did Rip a page from her diary, and write with all her might Then send it off into the current, determined to find a way to live Being a victim of her daddy's hands for so long She lost the will to move on Sick of picking up her violin to hide from what's wrong Exausted, but stayin strong She tried to play the bright side, but couldn't bring herself to make nothing but sad songs Sick of that sick feeling that stays in her stomach Sick of waiting for a rescue by someone who found one of her bottles Sick of being daddy's little seceret She got up at the crack of day and smashed her violin into pieces Then proceeded to walk towards the river with a plan Only this time the diarhea bottle was in her hand Just walk with herself, away from the hell Not no one at the river bottom lying in all the cries for help It was weeks before they found her dead body Some fisherman reeled it from the water like something from a detective novel Diagonosis: suicide, stemmed from desperation Was near where she drowned they found about 500 messages in sunken bottles 1 = regret

[16 Sep 2004|09:40am] Silence Is the most obscure sound I’ve ever heard Those lonely giant spaces in between your every word And maybe I’m totally crazy for hanging on But just because I’m insane, don’t mean that I’m wrong 1 = regret

gone [16 Sep 2004|12:18am] Look at all those fancy clothes, But these could keep us warm just like those. And what about your soul? Is it cold? Is it straight from the mold, and ready to be sold? And cars and phones and diamond rings, Bling, bling, because those are only removable things. And what about your mind? Does it shine? Are there things that concern you, more than your time? Gone, the wind. Gone, everything. Gone, don’t give a damn. Gone, be the birds, when they don’t wanna sing. Gone, people, all awkward with their things, Gone. Look at you, out to make a deal. You try to be appealing, but you lose your appeal. And what about those shoes you’re in today? They’ll do no good, on the bridges you burnt along the way. Are you willing to sell, anything? Gone, with your head. Leave your footprints, And we’ll shame them with our words. Gone, people, all careful and consumed. Gone, gone, gone, everything. Gone, don’t give a damn. Gone, be the birds, when they don’t wanna sing. Gone, people, all awkward with their things, Gone. regret

jennifer [24 Aug 2004|10:07pm] In case you didnt know... Jennifer Yeh has been my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now, and its been an awesome 2 years. I just want to publically announce that I fucked up. I lied to her, I went behind her back, and I did things that she had specifically asked me not to do. I would also like to say that I am deeply and truly sorry that I did. I love this girl with all my heart, and I would never do anything to hurt her intentionally. however, I am prone to "brain farts" I do things without thinking. I also am prone to giving out white faced lies in order to keep someone from being hurt... sort of a bad cover-up. Jen is awesome. she showed me how she felt indirectly (and very tactfully I might add) in order to show me what she had gone through, and she did so without actually doing anything that might be seen as bad or wrong. Jennifer is everything that I could ever ask for and more. I love her immensely. I am doing everything that I can to change for her, everything within my power. I have my heart set on her. and I wont stop till we are married. jennifer, you mean the world to me, and Im still so sorry. I have been to jens house 3 days in a row. on the first day we saw open water... and it was weird, I kinda liked it, kinda didnt... nothing outstanding. on the second day we saw alien versus predator with her younger brother allen, lol, fun times. yesterday we went to see that new Exorcist movie. I didnt like it nearly as much as the first one... and bunch of predictable horror movie jazz. we saw brianna and lisa in old town, it was really nice to see them again, it put jen in a really good mood. we went to urban like some LJ postwhores and bought some shit, lol. then we went to huntington beach and built a fire and kissed until the sun went down. It was really awesome, I wish I had brought my camera. Tomorrow (wednesday) I have to go back to school. Im going to be a senior, and here is kinda what my schedule should be looking like: AP Physics C AP Calculus AB AP Literature spanish 4 Honors Paleontology International Relations Independent Photography its gonna be a really hard course load, but I want to be an engineer, so I have to buckle down and start the hard work. I want to be able to give jen the life that she deserves. So Im gonna work my ass off. Im excited about spanish 4 because my teacher is one of my friends, and also cuz jen might be in that class with me. :-D i love her so much, i almost crashed my car earlier cuz I was on the phone with her and I couldnt even think about anything but her beautiful face. yea, this summer Ive been working a lot on my truck... its a bagged f-150. jen likes it, but she hates it when I hit switches cuz it like grabs a lot of people attention and she doesnt like that shiznite. heres some picshaz. its on 20's :-D tell me if you like it or not and why, Id like to know. talk to me people. I love you so much jennifer, my truck is dedicated to you :-D ( Read more... ) 2 = regret

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