Could never be sXe, I love drugs too much.

kill yourself

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 07:00:32 GMT

Everyone knew she was a special young girl
From her neighbors to her teachers
Some labeled her a prodigy, others called her a genius
It was amazing the way she could play the violin
It made it hard for people to believe that she was only ten
But behind every brilliant mind there lies a monster
This one just so happened to be her father
See daddy was sick, he'd get a rush by playin touchy touch
And tellin her to keep it hush
It was his seceret way of loving that he needed someone he could trust
Fucked her head up, sayin if Momma was alive she'd be so proud of us
So she'd hide the desire to die
But if you paid close attention you could see the sorrow in her eyes
Walking around in the only real hell
No one would ever think she'd have such a story to tell
Afraid to go home, afraid to talk, afraid of cryin
She was too young to even know why

And everyday she'd go to the river with a message in a bottle sayin
'Please, God help me I don't wanna live to see tommorow'
Each day she'd scrounge for a tiny shread of hope
Just to wish the bottle would stay afloat
But every single solitary day, the bottle seems to sink
I don't know why but the bottle always sinks
She never sees it happen, but the bottle always sinks
Now only the bottom of the river knows what she really thinks

She made that violin sing with so much pain
You could almost hear her scream through the strange vibrations
What was once sweet and innocent
Is now riding with the phsychotic father
Chose to probe the flowers of the pure and sacred
Her instrument was a rolly tongue
To express the infinite abuse in it's depths
At night the footsteps crept to her door and she'd begin to shake and weap
And with tears rolling down her cheeks she's pretend she was asleep
When the nightmare was over, and the sun dawn is light
She'd retreat to the same place she always did
Rip a page from her diary, and write with all her might
Then send it off into the current, determined to find a way to live

Being a victim of her daddy's hands for so long
She lost the will to move on
Sick of picking up her violin to hide from what's wrong
Exausted, but stayin strong
She tried to play the bright side, but couldn't bring herself to make
nothing but sad songs
Sick of that sick feeling that stays in her stomach
Sick of waiting for a rescue by someone who found one of her bottles
Sick of being daddy's little seceret
She got up at the crack of day and smashed her violin into pieces
Then proceeded to walk towards the river with a plan
Only this time the diarhea bottle was in her hand
Just walk with herself, away from the hell
Not no one at the river bottom lying in all the cries for help
It was weeks before they found her dead body
Some fisherman reeled it from the water
like something from a detective novel
Diagonosis: suicide, stemmed from desperation
Was near where she drowned they found about 500 messages in sunken bottles

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 16:41:12 GMT

Silence
Is the most obscure sound I’ve ever heard
Those lonely giant spaces in between your every word
And maybe I’m totally crazy for hanging on
But just because I’m insane, don’t mean that I’m wrong

gone

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 07:21:16 GMT

Look at all those fancy clothes,
But these could keep us warm just like those.
And what about your soul? Is it cold?
Is it straight from the mold, and ready to be sold?

And cars and phones and diamond rings,
Bling, bling, because those are only removable things.
And what about your mind? Does it shine?
Are there things that concern you, more than your time?

Gone, the wind.
Gone, everything.
Gone, don’t give a damn.
Gone, be the birds, when they don’t wanna sing.
Gone, people, all awkward with their things,
Gone.

Look at you, out to make a deal.
You try to be appealing, but you lose your appeal.
And what about those shoes you’re in today?
They’ll do no good, on the bridges you burnt along the way.

Are you willing to sell, anything?
Gone, with your head.
Leave your footprints,
And we’ll shame them with our words.
Gone, people, all careful and consumed.

Gone, gone, gone, everything.
Gone, don’t give a damn.
Gone, be the birds, when they don’t wanna sing.
Gone, people, all awkward with their things, Gone.

jennifer

Wed, 25 Aug 2004 05:27:28 GMT

In case you didnt know... Jennifer Yeh has been my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now, and its been an awesome 2 years. I just want to publically announce that I fucked up. I lied to her, I went behind her back, and I did things that she had specifically asked me not to do. I would also like to say that I am deeply and truly sorry that I did. I love this girl with all my heart, and I would never do anything to hurt her intentionally. however, I am prone to "brain farts" I do things without thinking. I also am prone to giving out white faced lies in order to keep someone from being hurt... sort of a bad cover-up. Jen is awesome. she showed me how she felt indirectly (and very tactfully I might add) in order to show me what she had gone through, and she did so without actually doing anything that might be seen as bad or wrong. Jennifer is everything that I could ever ask for and more. I love her immensely. I am doing everything that I can to change for her, everything within my power. I have my heart set on her. and I wont stop till we are married. jennifer, you mean the world to me, and Im still so sorry.

I have been to jens house 3 days in a row. on the first day we saw open water... and it was weird, I kinda liked it, kinda didnt... nothing outstanding. on the second day we saw alien versus predator with her younger brother allen, lol, fun times. yesterday we went to see that new Exorcist movie. I didnt like it nearly as much as the first one... and bunch of predictable horror movie jazz. we saw brianna and lisa in old town, it was really nice to see them again, it put jen in a really good mood. we went to urban like some LJ postwhores and bought some shit, lol. then we went to huntington beach and built a fire and kissed until the sun went down. It was really awesome, I wish I had brought my camera.

Tomorrow (wednesday) I have to go back to school. Im going to be a senior, and here is kinda what my schedule should be looking like:

AP Physics C
AP Calculus AB
AP Literature
spanish 4
Honors Paleontology
International Relations
Independent Photography

its gonna be a really hard course load, but I want to be an engineer, so I have to buckle down and start the hard work. I want to be able to give jen the life that she deserves. So Im gonna work my ass off. Im excited about spanish 4 because my teacher is one of my friends, and also cuz jen might be in that class with me. :-D i love her so much, i almost crashed my car earlier cuz I was on the phone with her and I couldnt even think about anything but her beautiful face.

yea, this summer Ive been working a lot on my truck... its a bagged f-150. jen likes it, but she hates it when I hit switches cuz it like grabs a lot of people attention and she doesnt like that shiznite. heres some picshaz. its on 20's :-D

tell me if you like it or not and why, Id like to know. talk to me people. I love you so much jennifer, my truck is dedicated to you :-D

Tuesday evening.

Wed, 05 May 2004 05:57:59 GMT

uhhhhhhhhh, sitting.

uhhhhhhhhh, punched

uhhhhhhhhhhh, fan.

have a nice week.

duuuuuuuuuuude"

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 04:36:45 GMT

wicked weekend.

i cant not stand the rain

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 05:54:27 GMT

it rained last night, jen and I fought, and I took this picture when she was sitting outside her dorm and I was outside in the rain... we're all good now, I love her, and I love that picture, doooooope reflecting action!

now thats a pretty bathroom

ugly pic of me... but damn, check out that hair... and imagine that hot bod... oh yea

monday

Tue, 27 Jan 2004 02:07:55 GMT

most of you bitches had school today, but oh, not me, I have today and tomorrow off. I was pretty bored today, and I Went to temecula to try to sell my brothers car. I went and checked on how my truck is coming along and it should be done friday... im excited. Saw jeeeeeeennifa yesterday, that was pretty wicked, but I had to leave early to come back to elliot... my friend who is staying at my house cuz he has no where else to go over this short break. I want to buy a nikon N75, and I almost did today... its like 320 bucks at bestbuy with a nice 28-80mm lens, and I have a 400 dollar gift certificate to bestbuy. So I might just buy it. I should post more pictures... and I will once I get back to school. holla if ya herd me!
im just kidding. but seriously... I wanna go see evergreen terrace.

artsy fartsy

Mon, 19 Jan 2004 04:26:42 GMT

heres like a bunch of my pics... tell me what you think, hope you like them as much as me

semi!

Sun, 18 Jan 2004 23:16:28 GMT

jen and I went to semi... and she was hot, and I wore a burberry tie, twas wicked. I enjoyed it. Alllllll of our buddies went. wheee

hahahaha

Sun, 18 Jan 2004 23:11:39 GMT

yea,she sure does.

finals are the poop-shat

Sun, 18 Jan 2004 22:46:38 GMT

boy, finals are going to suck, im in the fuckin library and studying and shit... but jen is here... so thats cool. Yesterday was our 15 months, we didnt really do too much but try to see peter pan and it wasnt playing so we saw the worst movie in the mundo... Along Came Polly, what a piece of shit... but at least jen was there... that was cooooooooooool

toodles

sunday, bloody sunday

Mon, 01 Dec 2003 05:03:13 GMT

yep, today is sunday, making yesterday saturday. I saw jen. It was wicked nice, we went to Santa Monica and watched the beach for a little while... and then we went to old towne with an E and ate some islands and got some iced cream. boy do I love her. with the fury of ten thousand suns. never can I express the love felt by yours truly towards hers truly. I love the much out of her. yep

you know what is good... <<((OPERATION IVY - KNOWLEDGE))>>...oh, and jen:-D

p.s. Im sick as all hell, wish me luck getting better

Wed, 22 Oct 2003 15:16:07 GMT

I love Jen